'Embryo'

Don't know the artist.  Saw this as the cover for Pink Floyd's song called 'embryo'.  

Rolling Stones - There's something about them

this place

I don't know why, but I feel no intimacy to this place and I always want to hide and be invisible here. 

Today is

Today is a really good day. And he replied saying he's interested in coming to college. Okay, it's a great great thing and then i happen to see a film star in Court!!! And in the night, I see this http://www.thehindu.com/arts/art/phantasmagoria/article4054579.ece

:)

Let's not impose anything on anyone :) 

RIP

It was a shock for me, but a real loss for many others.  RIP, man. A lot of people truly loved you. 

Calcutta

Calcutta, I'll immensely miss you. 

Communism and Conscience

I unintentionally play communist songs  and I remember Jesus when I need some courage. I wonder how we had the first democratically elected communist government!!! Like how do you convince people to voluntarily give up significant part of their possessions for the common good. Also, I feel good now. I'm no more a coward. I know I could be failure like the one I know. But then some things are embedded in our mind. Also, believe me, it's not the incentive system that works in this world. It's our fucking conscience. 

Best

You gave me the best times of my life, best books and best of everything you have. :) 

This defines me when I'm in NUJS

Blake - EQUALITY

beautiful man

hey let's do it like we're friends,
let's do it do it,
hey let's do it like we're friends.....

Samathwam ennorashayam marikkilla bhoomiyil

"pokuvaan namukku eere dhooramudathorkkuvin 
vazhipizhachu poyidathe mizhithelichu nokkuvin
neeru neeridan karuthu nedanam, nirashayil
veenidathe neerinayi poruthuvan kuthikkanam"

I feel a milder version of this

This is what I used to feel. Now I've lost myself so much that I've nothing in me to save by going somewhere.  This college makes me feel that I'm a loser. A complete loser. I have no faith in myself now. I don't have anything within me to have faith in it.  All I had, I've lost them. A journey is coming to end. I'll go back. Back to where I came from.  Back to the things that here have no good value. 

I watched Nolan's third Batman. Okay. Confession. I never got time or opportunity to read any comics or watch those. But then, while I was watching Batman yesterday, I was screaming to the batman that you can't say that your city is safe because you've put all the criminals behind the bars. Haha. What a joke!!! And I didn't know half the things they were saying because I didn't know what happened eight years ago, why Wayne became orphan etc etc. I mean I still don't know. All I know is I don't want to put my faith in a billionaire and believe that he would take care of everything. And believe in his sense of justice and a justice which is often equated to non-violence (if I'm not mistaken). Chap, I live in the country where Gandhi lived...not happening man....I always hated when I could not control my life especially I had to live at the mercy of someone.  May be I should not take Batman serisously.....

I know I’m not getting married in the church,

Not because I hate churches but ‘coz my legs won’t stand those long hours of blind ceremonies,

And I’m not very sure if it’s worth it,

I’m not very sure if I would ever stick to someone all my life.

Mind you, I’m not even asking my folks for any money for my wedding,

I fucking don’t know why we need to.

I want to be a little impressive in life and I know beauty holds its wonders,

but I’m more worried about dying in a hospital,

I can’t bare the smell of its depressing air.

I never wanted to live just to see or hear or read beautiful things,

I still don’t want to.

I don’t know if I want to live now,

I love the statue of Jesus in Rio. 

Watched "Classmates" again. How can a movie be so beautiful and perfect? OMG. 

daydream delusion

limousine eyelash

oh baby with your pretty face

drop a tear in my wine glass

look at those big eyes on your face

see what you mean to me

sweet cakes and milk shakes

I’m a delusion angel

I’m a fantasy parade

I want you to know what I think

don’t want you to guess anymore

you have no idea where I came from

we have no idea where we’re going

lodged in life like two branches in a river

caught in the current

flowing downstream

I’ll carry you    you carry me

that’s how it could be

don’t you know me

don’t you know me by now…

The language I speak,

Becomes mine, its distortions, its queernesses

All mine, mine alone.

It is half English, halfIndian, funny perhaps, but it is honest,

It is as human as I am human, don’t

You see? It voices my joys, my longings, my

Hopes, and it is useful to me as cawing

Is to crows or roaring to the lions, it

Is human speech, the speech of the mind that is

Here and not there, a mind that sees and hears and

Is aware - Kamala Suryya

My First gif!!!

Ahamkara

Ahankara is also an assertion of self, and the deep determination that precludes ones from behaving in a manner the self does not want evenif it results in one's own annihilation.

Movie Soundtracks and Scorsese

I can just see Scorsese's movies for their soundtracks. He's just awesome. You know when I first heard 'The Doors' and watched ' Taxi Driver', I felt they're from Kerala. Like the music sounded so familiar, scorsese's movies are so Mallu. Hahaha. So, I'm always 'at home' when I listen to them.

Like this clip, people walk, laugh, smoke, dance to the music. Here you go

I think this clip speaks for itself :) and the movie has 'The Doors's "the End' also.

:) Smile Please

I watched a Bengali movie called 'Gandu' (loser). It was really nice particularly because it seems to be a true story. There are so many things that I can do or I have the opportunity to do, but I'm not doing because it's really difficult. I've always thought that It's really easy to live in the past, be good according to the standards of past days. Like in Panchagni, the story of the political rebel, a feminist. I can think about living a life like that because I know about it. But life is not like that. It's about today. It's so different from what our parents saw, what great writers in the past saw. The human reactions may be the same, but the forms are new. And most of the times, we're miss the things that we see right in front of us because our heads are filled with the great stories of past. It's one thing I hate. May be we won't become great and well-known and it's not that important to be. But the little roles that we need to do in this life we need to do that. It's really okie to be a lizard of the nature, if we are ones. Be open towards the society around you, people around you. Be courageous to be a cowards. That's better than the pseudo- courage that I put on. :)

Life, It's beautiful if we are guided by us.

Phyics :- Force

Have you thought about gravitational force?

I don't remember where my chain of thoughts began. I think I was thinking about love. But I ended in force, and the way something pushes itself, somethings pulls another thing. I was wondering how can you say that it's not I pushing myself and that it is another thing pulling me. Like earth pulling me towards itself. How can you say that I'm not pushing myself from the earth?

I know I may be thinking stupid. But is the fact that someone is thinking in itself the most important? Oh, now i remember why I thought about force...

So I was thinking how everything on earth had an objective. Like the most dangerous poisonous substances have the duty to kill. I know, but don't you think that causing death is one of the most important features of life on earth? I mean if there's no death, then there won't be any life also, right? So what wrong with killing something? But that was not I was thinking, I was thinking if some substance has the ability to make you think, then why do you brand taking them as immoral? And not worth of learning?

So I was thinking about the ability of some substance to take you to the reason of something, make you ask the reason for the need to acting or not acting in a particular way etc? That's why I thought about the force, the force that takes you to the root? force.. gravitational force!! Oh, my god. You know everything fundamental has to be in public domain. Haahahaaahaaaa. Because you cannot exploit the reason!!! Seriously, isn't amazing that we discovered something like a invisible gravitational force?? Why can't we fly? Really why can't we fly?

I've never asked these fundamental questions except when I'm not like this!!!!!

F=ma, mass and acceleration. Can't you imagine them?

Friends and NUJS

My friend Sonal is writing a paper on rights of transexual and Sonal, Shriti and I were discussing about the issue at length in the afternoon. I've not seen Shriti arguing and sharing her thoughts about some thing that has to do with academics till now and the experience in room was very unique and passionate. I was thinking how lovely is to have people like Sonal and Shriti in life and then I suddenly realised that we are the RSS gang. We've made this gang to talk about weird thinks about sex, and here we are ,advocating for rights of transexual. The feeling was really different, it was not the normal kind of discussions and heated debates that we used to have in sociology classes. I felt that they're really going to fight for transexual's rights and ask those rights from the government and society. The other day Sonal was telling me how transexual rights are not recognized by the society and how she wants to be friends with transexuals. I was so excited about it, like talking to them like you talking to your friends, sharing their ideas, problems and happiness and all. OMG!!! that was just amazing, and knowing the kind of person Sonal is, I can bet you that she can be best friends with them.

I don't know, I've the feeling that we are all going to be those persons that we all like to be. Like Sonal is really weird and likes all the things in the world, and believes that everything is the way it has to be. You know, I was watching an interview about Bharathan, and one of the greatest lyricist in the Malayalam film industry O N V was telling how for Bharathan could place everything, however strange those may be, in a way that would take away its strangeness.

I like my college now and I realized that I don't belong to the mainstream culture (if I can term it like that) which is about mooting, debating and preparing for highly remunerative jobs. We had our NUJS Night last night, I realized that all the lame joke that guy who was doing the compering was cracking was about studies and moot. But we are so different and I like the difference!!!!!

Poster from Soviet

The idiot

" I was insufferably sad,

I wanted to cry,

I was all the while lost in wonder and uneasiness

What affected me most was that everything was strange,

I realized that I was crushed by the strangeness of it"

- The Idiot, Dostoevsky

Well... I want to live in peace.

I can never agree with Adam Smith. I think he, just like his theories of comparative advantage, never focused on overall development of the world-nations and individuals. I don't know if he ever thought about over- production. I don't know if he wanted to include risks of exploitation of human and other resources in his theory. I don't know if he imagined the world to be a single entity and self sufficient in that way or he just wanted to publish papers. I hate the approach of ' ceteris paribus' ( all other things being constant).

Whatever…

I think, now the world is in a mess, or rather individual freedom/autonomy is in a mess. Just like in earlier times specialization in labour is forcing people to take up a singular commitment. I don't know. Four years of walking up and down the streets of Calcutta, I still don't understand them, their language, their needs, their fears , their joys... My college just expects me to concentrate on this 'island of excellence' or other 'islands of excellence'. (When everyone uses that word to mean centre of excellence, I use that word to mean a desolate place packed with intelligent people). Even the so- called- artists now confine themselves to their opium dungeons or commercial success. And everyone, I think, regrets the fate that gave them no chance to make choices or for being so coward as I am.

Or does this happen when we live by ourselves? Maybe. And I hate Adam Smith. I think we really have to rethink about the new foundational economic principles of the society. Or do we love having problems, being exploited or love to tolerate slavery? No. No.